Johnny Cash

- Johnny Cash played concerts at a bunch of jails and it's amazing. I wouldn't be able to do that; the big iron bars would remind me of shirts with big, thick stripes on them and then I'd be grossed out because those haven't been okay to wear since the 60's. So yeah. I wouldn't hold up great in jail.

 

-Johnny Cash is from the South so he probably drank some manly, hardcore stuff. Forget Gin and Tonic; Johnny Cash probably drank Whiskey and Opium-juice.

-Johnny Cash probably drank 4 Loko before it was cool.

-Before 4 Loko there was a company: it was an exporter in Texas named Rugged Anthony's Sack Sweat. Number one customer? Johnny Cash

-Fyi the number two customer was Rugged Anthony. He tried but couldn't keep up with Johnny Cash and, trust me, you'd have better luck seeing Rugged Anthony on a small pink pony than outdrinking Johny C.

-Johnny Cash probably had a belly tougher than nails on steroids and tonsils as small and manageable as pipe cleaners.

-I know this: Johnny Cash had a deep, dark voice. It's so memorable in such a creepy way somewhere Hitler's ghost is jealous saying "Darn it, I wish I could be that haunting.

-It feels good playing and owning an acoustic guitar. I don't think they'll ever be obsolete. Johnny Cash played an acoustic guitar sixty years ago and I'm sure there will be people playing acoustics sixty years from now. I mean, Jesus Christ, I don't know if in a year from now they'll still be making me kind of iPod or even my kind of bed (watch out: Posterpedics and Sleep Numbers are flooding the market) or even my kind of toilet but I know they'll still be making my kind of Guitar and that's why I love it.

One last, not related, joke:

-I always try to have something ready in case someone's a dick to me. I like to have a plan to get even with someone in case something comes up and the other day I thought of a good one: if someone's being an asshole to me I'm going to steal their iPod and change the language on it to Greek. It would get so annoying. They wouldn't be able to find Wiz Khalifa on there because in Greece he's called Bazuki Kazoo and lord know they couldn't find Backstreet Boys; in Greece they're the Baklava Streetlava Boyslava.