Monday, April 8, 2013

NEW SH*T

- If you ask me prom-going with parents isn't sad but is instead... cool!



They can be your photographer, friend, and getting-belligerent-buddy all at once!



- I'm blessed that I have skin where I can't blush.



When I'm horny or regret saying something mean...



my cheeks actually turn more white.



Even my body insists, taking a time-out to be embarrassed can wait.



- Americans are supposed to keep their family secrets to themselves, no matter what.



Even if ...it's exciting... like...



their Uncle...



shoplifted a gun from their local chain-retail store (with a letter-K-theme)...



by stuffing it in the box of a vacuum cleaner he bought there...



and since, has recurrently gotten shit-faced at family functions and boasted to guests that were strangers



"I'll register that rifle when I'm dead!



I'll use the foam packaging of it's box to wipe my ass!"



Even if that.



- Interestingly, the deepest a human being can go in to water is in the Marianas trenches-- 1,580 miles deep-- in the Pacific Ocean.



There's only so deep, though, that most people want to dive in to the Pacific Ocean, I think.



Interestingly, the deepest a human being can go into shame is loudly busting a fluffy in a library while naked.



There's only so deep, though, most people want to dive in to the pathetic ocean, I think.

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