NEW SH*T

Jokes:



-Cyberbullying is the new phone sex. Can't see shit and it's only medium good for your soul.



- How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One if they can stop having blood clots.



Hillary Clinton joke... it's a Hillary Clinton joke.



- Life really tests your sense of humor.



I don't know one person exempt from that.



A sense of humor is important and can be defined as having wit and acceptance* about everything;



I only wish I had wit and acceptance about all the reality TV on the air. For that I just have spit and huge wept-ness.



- I think the world tries to be too politically correct. The world says I shouldn't say "midgets." I say I'll stop saying "midgets," when I'm dead. Or if you shot those guys at a cannon at me; that'd be a problem! It would interfere with my telling jokes about them and would be quite distracting.



- I learned about sex way too young. I just watched trashy comedies (like "Scary Movie,") and learned. And learned and learned and learned.



- Humility is an important attribute to have. It's an ancient idea (it's in the bible) and it's important to realize the world has 7 billion people and the country has 315 million people. I'm fortunate and know a lot of kind, humble people.With the exception of midgets.



- There are a lot of messages in the bible I absolutely agree with; love thy neighbor and be charitable are really up there in my beliefs. Along with the idea: women would shoplift apples before men ever tried it.



- Seeing choirs is intense to me. It's like seeing wide-spread malaria or arson; only hearing Radiohead's "Creep," performed is just medium-common with malaria and arson.

* Footnote (from above, obviously): This is according to this guy I like named Marc Maron.