Tuesday, February 19, 2013

NEW SH*T

- The funniest thing I've ever heard



was a guy having very noisy, violent diarrhea in the bathroom of my synagogue



(where I was blowing my nose)



on Yom Kippur.



Funniest thing... is all.



- I think walks are always a good idea.



They're good for your mood and heart and...



Once I was walking around my family's apartment building complex



and I noticed a lady stuck on the roof of the building next to my family's and I helped her down...



(She just wanted to see if she could get up there and fool around, by the way; it's not like one of those unending-misery-leading-to-a-rooftop situations.)



and she called me her “knight in shining armor."



It was cool.



- I spent mornings and afternoons in daycares throughout elementary school.



I would have preferred to spend that time at home instead of in the daycares



but I had to be somewhere while my mother worked and there were girls that were also eight years old for the flirting with.



- Alec Baldwin says when acting one should never duplicate their work. Fortunately, I've only duplicated my urinary tract-ing work; which is asimilar.


- 100% true story: I met Robert Downey Sr. Iron man's Dad. You would think the guy that helped birth Iron Man would have some crazy stories but he's spent his life making weird movies and hiring babysitters.



- I've never had the luxury of tons of money to blow or the luxury of lots of privacy but I have had the luxury of spare time for all my life. Seeing that I used a lot of that spare time to play Paper Mario it's been a luxury well spent.



- I have a Grandpa that grew up in Germany and became an expert on pigs.



Apparently, if pigs are healthy they have curly tails.



Just like Jews!

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