NEW SH*T

Jokes:

- If I was ever starving to death I would deal with it by telling myself “That's okay.” Who likes a bitter person, ya know? Bitterness makes things awkward like nothin' else is what I want to say.

- It's a good thing I value me because otherwise that shit wouldn't get done.

-”Blurt people blurt people.” - Parody of Al-Anon slogan “Hurt people hurt people.”

A brief story:

- When I was young-- believe it or not-- I was a freelance candy salesman...

I bought a bulk bag of candy and walked around my apartment building...

trying to sell the individual pieces of candy I had.

I made 25 cents. And you better believe my business had a headquarters...

in a cardboard box I put in the living room!

A last brief story:

- When I was young-- on an impulse-- I did fundraising for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation on a whim. That sentence is 100% true and-- I agree-- a bit odd.

I also figured in the back of my mind that I could count the hours I did walking around and asking for money for JDRF (those community service hours) could count towards my Bar Mitzvah requirement for doing community service but it was years before I was thirteen so I found out no it does not.

Anyway, I just decided it would be a good use of time and a good thing to do. I spent a lot of hours doing that fundraising around my apartment building; but I think a lot of young people's whims involve graffiti as opposed to revolving around JDRF.

I just walked around that apartment building trying to raise money for them and I got a lot of reactions from people like “You better not be pocketing this, kid.” In fact, that's an exact quote.

Anyway, it was a true thing and a weird thing to remember yourself doing.

Just thoughts:

- Sensitive isn't a bad thing to be... if you ask me. Indulgent is a bad thing to be, but not sensitive. I feel like some people get that mixed up.

I like these things in a person, is all:

- think for yourself

- don't be outstandingly bitter

- a collected person

- non-pitying and non-condescending

- not too much womanly brain chatter

 The world's dumbest joke that I found recently that I very much enjoy:

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was." - Rodney Dangerfield