NEW SH*T

-“Shape up or ship out, mister!” - Moms and only Moms

-The bus driving away before I can hop on it dovetails nicely with my whim for a stroll.

Also, re: that bus driver... what a dick.

- Hesitation is for children and fools. When I want a snack I eat one.

- The other day I saw the words "DON'T LITTER," branded into a rubber trashcan. It was the first time a trashcan had a bone to pick with me.


So... ya know... it's a hard knock life.


-  The fact that I thought "What century was this written in?" about my History textbook can't be great.


- Regarding the service sector of the U.S... do... do whores count?

- A Sketch:

People in a Relationship in an Argument

PARTNER 1: Well, if you think they're so hot why don't you divorce me and marry them!

PARTNER 2: Take it easy. I'm not even that attracted to that person.

PARTNER 1: “Not even”?! How about zero percent attracted to them?! How about zero?!

PARTNER 2: C'mon now. Let's not make liars out of the both of us.