A sketch:
MAN: Doctor! Doctor! I've been attacked
by a Rhino! I'm losing a lot of blood! If you don't do something
quick... I don't think I'll live!
DOCTOR: Not with that attitude, you
won't! "Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."
Winston Churchill.
Jokes:
- When someone at a drive-through gets
my order wrong I don't beat around the bush. I say to them “No!
You're wrong!” Directness is a great quality.
- When someone has bad breath I
actually try to breathe in their breath extra so they
definitely don't feel self-conscious. Honesty's not always a virtue.
- I have a beef with unicorns being
real. I get the horn... but the rainbow tail? I just don't know if I can buy them anymore. And if
unicorns aren't real next you'll be telling me we have a black
president.
- It's nice to recognize stuff on first
glance... like flower girls or Nazis.
- When I wash my hands-- I don't mean
to brag-- but... I've definitely earned the title "Germ buster."
2 Tru.
- By the way, I don't leave a single
faucet dripping... not a single one! STOP THE DROP!... stop the drop.
- If you like my sink material you'll lose your shit on my paper towel routine. It'll absorb your attention soon.
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