Wednesday, March 6, 2013

NEW SH*T

- I'm one good samaritan. I recycle and if someone looks strained I'll say “You look strained!” to them, like, in a concerned way... ya know? I'm the best.


- Things I long for:

  • Good longeivty.
  • To never leave Western civilization and the love of my family and friends.
  • A yardstick.


Get it? Like long for? A yardstick? Nothing gets me like the metric system.


- I'd be an excellent advertiser. I'd say things to my viewer like “Ew, you like that?! No what you really want is...” Ya see, advertisers also tell you what you don't want.


- It's dumb to demand perfection from yourself or other people. Pets are another story... (if Spike can't get it together enough to backflip for me soon he can expect his bowl to stay empty).


-100% true:


I have a friend who once got pooped on-- on his head-- from a bird. That guy has some birddd luck.


- Man's greatest accomplishment is tools-- specifically, nipple clamps.


Also, nuclear energy... was a good one.

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