Wednesday, July 10, 2013

NEW SH*T

Jokes:


- Would it make it better if you were ungodly constipated but in the world's nicest bathroom? It wouldn't be so bad that way, ya know?


- You ever have your penis hurt for just a second randomly sometimes? Me neither...


A character sketch:


The filthy, gritty, gruff, sweaty, bald, fat, truly-repulsive stand-up comedian:


COMEDIAN: Thanks for coming out, folks. Now have you guys ever heard of the cartoon TV show “Rugrats?” Are you watching this? Have you seen this?


(weak applause from crowd)


Do you guys remember the character Angelica?


(weak applause from crowd)


Do you guys remember Angelica's Mom? That snotty businesswoman?


(weak applause from crowd)


Well, I would 100% fuck the shit out of Angelica's Mom! All the positions! Every position! And Angelica for that matter! She's old enough! If there's hair on the field, play ball! If there's hair there I don't care! Am I right folks?

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