Jokes:
Brass players that wear sunglasses in a
last-ditch attempt to look sexy... you aren't fooling anyone! I'm on
to you... slide-trombone player I saw a few hours ago.
What's that you say? I'm immature?
Nuh-uh! Bet you a gumball I'm not!
I'm not an impressive cook. A lot of
other 19-year-olds in my life can all cook at least one great meal.
Like, one of them will know how to make some kind of whole wheat orzo
with oregano in an apple reduction. I'm just proud I can heat up
soup. I can heat the shit out of some Progresso, dawg.
It's funny how “I don't know,” more
often than not means “I'm uncomfortable,” rather than “I lack
knowledge.”
I can't wait until my real creative
success starts and I have a huge fan base. Like how famously Lady
Gaga calls her fans “little monsters,” and how her “little
monsters,” are always coming to her shows.1
I can't wait to have my fans: they'll be called the “grouches.”
Believe me, once this is real you haven't lived until you've seen the
way the “grouches,” party. The “grouches,” will be freaks on
the dance floor. Unfortunately, they'll be freaks on the dance floor
all too literally, but they'll certainly be freaks on the... thing.
This is 100% true: I have a lot of
quirky behaviors. Like, a lot of people approached me in the past
year of my life to talk to me about how I always eat oranges with a
fork and knife and “Why do you do that?” Fortunately, after
meeting all these people, I could shake their hands without having to
worry about a bad case of sticky-hand that would happen to someone
eating an orange bareback. So basically, I say win-win.
Just like the way this comedian Pete
Holmes calls his fans “Weirdos,” (because of his podcast “You
Made It Weird,”) and this other comedian Paul F. Tompkins calls
his fans “Tompkastaways,” (because of his podcast “Pod F.
Tompkast) too.
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