Jokes:
- I've just spent a month volunteering
at a place so my resume can get a bit beefier. Unfortunately, the
most exciting thing about the place I'm volunteering was helping
organize paper labeled “Jammin' Salmon-Colored.”
- I've noticed People Magazine En
Espanol is much more exciting than regular People. In People Magazine
En Espanol the women seem to be a bit more caliente. It's easier for
a male reader to give himself a hand-trabajo to.
- I-- not even that long ago-- quit a
job where, after forgetting something small about what I have to do
for my job, was screamed at by my boss who then laughed about it to
all my co-workers and how she gave “[Jacob] a beatdown.”
That's true. I mean, golly, it's a
little discouraging when your boss is using WWE slang to describe how
they treat you to co-workers... that you're barely even friends with.
- I hope to have a good incoming year.
There'll be a lot on my plate and I hope to get through it with
minimal exhaustion. I mean, honestly, sometimes I can barely handle
deciding which brand of yogurt to get at the supermarket because--
just-- if you get “YoCrunch!” that yogurt has cookies in it and
that makes me think “yum!” but “Danimals,” are good, but
technically those qualify as a smoothie and who wants a
smoothie? I came here for a yogurt! So that's what's on my mind,
anyway.
- It's no joke when it comes to how
much I love David Letterman's jokes. His show brings more joy than anything else in my life and quite frankly the man's just laughalicious.
- Everyday, as a young student, I would see this poster in my classroom:
Because I was illiterate, the answer was always: 
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