NEW SH*T

In case you're curious I'm doing a new set-- of at least three minutes of stand-up-- on October 18^th. Finally. Hiatus over. Anyway. Anyway. New thoughts:

A joke:

- I'm not a fan of sleeping. I'm a huge fan of striving for success and delayed gratification and everything of the kind, man.

I don't like the thought that I spend hours daily doing nothing... except making really annoying sounds with my nose. I've come to accept this, though. I've come to look at my snoring as a musical performance where I'm not just the performer but the audience too.

I look at it as multitasking. And so I'm efficient as shit. I'm the pinnacle of synergy and shit.

Here is a true story that happened to me:

One time I was having a conversation with this total dick.

I mentioned that I didn't have plans for the rest of that day because my friend-- my friend of eight years-- had, for the first time ever, canceled on me.

The person I was having the conversation with-- the master of the art of dicketry-- said “It's probably because they don't like you,” and just ended the conversation and walked away.

Didn't even leave me a chance to say anything back and I just sat there, stewing in rage.

Just thinking "This motherfucker. This fucking bitch, I swear to G-d...

I hope they get in a bus and fall off a cliff and land in a G-ddamn volcano and then get molested by a thousand volcano demons, which don't exist but for the purpose of this situation should....

And I hope the volcano demons don't molest with things like 'Oh, sorry about that,' and ''Scuse me' but instead 'You're G-ddamn right this is happening.'

And I hope that he's reminded by the millions of volcano demons that his throat is stabbable."

I mean, what I'm trying to say is this person was kinda rude. I think we were all medium good people in that situation, in that moment, is what I'm getting at.