NEW SH*T

Please read and then read some more. Or don't. It's good stuff here. Or not. Just been getting a lot up here is all, is what I'm having a really hard time saying:

Here. Jokes:

- Perhaps high school aside, I've come to really like my hometown of Hamden. The first day I spent in Hamden was the best day of my life... next to when I found out there are still Samurais in Japan. And that there used to be chick Samurais... aw yeah... chick samurais.

- A hot bath is a great way to relieve stress in moments like when you've missed a deadline or caught your parents buttfucking

- They make shoplifting at frozen yogurt places so easy I would feel dumb if I didn't.

- There's nothing better than clowns, ya know? When you get to laugh at the plight of another person? Maybe lithium. Nah, nothing's better.

- One day I'll have someone able to ask me how I'm doing every single day and I look forward to that. I more look forward to the day I finally get to see my favorite baseball team play for the first time, though... so I can streak across the field.

- My friends call me Roger Rabbit because I hop that many fences and also because I like cartoons. Not true but, like... I wish it were true.

- True things: I've had people walk in on me while using the bathroom twice, had the back of my pants rip on a chair in public, and I've been hugged sarcastically before. All. Fucking. True. Just saying, like... sheesh...I mean, motherfucker...none of this shit was on the agenda is all! The sarcastic hug alone is bad. I mean, fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

- I've been going to the gym and eating a ton lately. I'm just so G-ddamn skinny, I swear motherfucking G-ddamn Ethiopia would be surprised. It's that bad. It's bad. Bad. Bad. Understand? Bad.

- I think everyone wants to feel sexy. Ya know? I mean... lord knows I do.

- Absolutely true: I love David Letterman's comedy. And pop rap. And I've been in a dozen orchestras. And I write a ton. Oh, and am I quirky? Would you say I'm quirky? Oh, I don't know. Why don't we ask the koala I adopted?

A new memoir:

A P.S. to the David Letterman Memoir and Toothfairy Memoir I Wrote

      

      I've learned this summer, while taking fiddle lessons, there's such thing as a “cool down [period],” in a solo to blues music. A “cool down,” is when the fiery quality of a blues virtuoso's playing calms down at the end of their solo to reflect how some people have an emotional cool down after venting one's negative feelings. B.B. King Guitar solos epitomizes this approach to blues soloing.

      I've had a “cool down period,” myself. Not in music really, but oh, I have had a a cool down period. When I found out the toothfairy wasn't real. Damn. I'm not saying it's not embarrassing but...still... not over it. Also, not being able to stay up late when I was seven. Plus, not being able to watch Letterman when I was seven. Plus, other things. A number of other things. But man, I hated that Letterman thing like a fat kid hates salad, man.