NEW SH*T

- I put the inventions of microwave popcorn, deliverable pizzas, potato chips, and masturbating up there with the discovery of penicillin. Lifesaving.

- Scientists have done bountiful research on mummies to learn more about how the human body works but I think it's good to learn about mummies because... well... because, mummies.

They're fuckin' cool.

Fuckin' mummies, right?

Fuck science for a minute, I just wanna think about mummies because mummies. They're interesting and cool.

Mummies are more interesting than some people I know and they're not even alive!

Mummies also have the tightest gold chains.

- I was reading in a CNN article that “According to psychologist Martin Seligman, as reported by Jennifer Senior, 'happiness is best defined in the ancient Greek sense: leading a productive, purposeful life. And the way we take stock of that life, in the end, isn't by how much fun we had, but what we did with it.'

Other cool quotes from the CNN article that's about life in America, indulgence, monogamy, being a parent, and happiness in general:

“You could buy a fully loaded Porsche for the $250,000 a child costs you these days, we are told.”

“The theme this year is that children are not a reliable source of happiness. Indeed, several researchers claim that they take the fun out of many marriages, causing a 'happiness hit.' “

“We may be answering the wrong question. The question is not how much happiness children bring or take, but how good is the happiness? We need to return to a precept that social philosophers and religious texts have long extolled: that a good life is not one centered around squeezing as much pleasure out of life as possible. Pleasure of the kind celebrated by those who would rather go out for dinner than stay home with their infants, watch TV than change diapers and gamble than attend a PTA meeting -- is Sisyphean. No sooner does one gain this kind of pleasure than one is lacking it again. No wonder it has been called the hedonic treadmill.”